Tuesday, December 3, 2013

first draft: introduction/introduction

Tita Berger
Dissertation First Draft: Introduction


Welcome to Truth or Consequences: Place and Place Making in Modern New Mexico

   
“What do people make of places?” Keith Basso, Wisdom Sits in Places (xiii).[i]

“How do you find it here?” Local inquiry into what people make of places.


This work examines what people make of places and how people go about making places. The central focus of this work is a place study of Truth or Consequences, New Mexico. The wider lens of this work explores contemporary and historical ideas about place and place making in the wider region. These include ideas about modernity, critical regionalism, globalization, historical narratives, tourism, preservation, revitalization, sustainability, place memory and cultural landscapes. Place studies encourage connections to broader histories while remaining grounded in specific sites. Questions of what people make of places, and how people go about consciously or unthinkingly shaping places are never very far from ideas about how places shape people. Despite this power and presence, places have long been regulated to the backdrop of history. The still-typical question about how people find a place illustrates this idea. The power of place as a tool to locate bodies is evident in this question. While this is no longer the case in a great deal of scholarship, viewing place as a static geographical locator is still common practice.
How do we find a place? Place is so widely and commonly used that it does not lend itself readily to academic argument. This work takes as true the idea that place is a dynamic and constantly shifting configuration of forces describing localities. A locality encompasses specific sites as well as the quality of having a position in space. Unlike place, however, locality has a much more narrow understanding. This is perhaps why studies exploring places generally or places in particular rely heavily on specific descriptors such as place memory, populated place, or sense of place. The constellation of influences comprising place is fluid, and attempts to talk about a place or place identity is therefore an attempt to temporarily fix these forces. Ranging from geography to global capital markets, these forces are physical, political, cultural and historical. They are also expressions of shared social engagements, infrastructure and narrative. How do these forces temporarily coalesce and create dominant place identities?  This study seeks to uncover these moments in order to consider how place identities emerge. Through an exploration of what these place forces are, how they emerge, are sustained, contested, reconfigured and reoccurring, we will arrive, as T.S. Elliot is famously paraphrased as writing, where we started, to know a place for the very first time.  
Against emerging arguments of placeless world, or a borderless world, is an increased awareness of the power of place. This power is generally cast as a positive expression. Place commemorations and celebrations are a mainstay of global tourism and place revitalization. Preserving cultural landscapes or sites considered integral to dominant understandings of important history and cultural expression is a popular cure to the supposed globalization of place and culture. The power of place is often evoked as a tool to combat the supposed placelessness that is seen in ubiquitous commercial strips and capital-driven touristscapes with authentic cultural expressions. Yet it is often the desire to be in ‘authentic’ places that drives commodification and entrenches borders.  Places can be powerful indicators of poverty and exclusion. Violent histories are obscured or occluded in many cultural landscapes. Critical renderings of place entail greater considerations of these forces. To this end, place studies are largely method-driven while attending carefully to theoretical lenses that shape place understandings. The ways in which a specific place is rendered meaningful entails consideration into the multiple ways that we inscribe meaning to place.   
This is a method-driven place study that engages extensive theoretical discussions. I begin with an overview of place ethnography. I follow with a discussion of various theoretical understandings of place in tandem with an overview of the literature and recent works on place. An overview of the content and organization of the remaining chapters is provided. This introductory chapter concludes with a synopsis of my research town of Truth or Consequences, New Mexico. The production of this study is an attempt to contribute to the understanding of our shares social-life in place. It is an account of the cultural, social, political, individual and communal sense of place in the contemporary moment based on ethnographic methods of discovery. It is also an attempt to craft an account of place based on historical and archival methods cast in contemporary theoretical understandings. Most importantly, this study seeks to contribute to the growing awareness of the power of place. Sense of place, as Keith Basso reminds us, “rests its case on the premise that being from somewhere is always referable to being from nowhere.” (148). Attending to the many ways that the power of place is understood, how somewhere is created, is the ultimate goal of this work.  



[i] This is the opening query in Basso’s preface to Wisdom Sits in Places (1996). This question, I various incarnations, is the driving force in my dissertation work. Historical narratives of what people ‘made,’ of the southwest region remain powerful contemporary dialogue shapers for example. All of my observations and research can be understood as an iteration of this question. Basso argues that the question of what people make of places “is as old as people and places themselves, as old as human attachments to portions of the earth,” (xiii).

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Photo Essay by Carlos Padilla, Commentary by Tita Berger


Sense of Place, Or, I Heart My Town 

Or, When Words are Not Enough, 

Or, How's the Writing Going? 

Here are a few examples of how I "sense" Truth or Consequence. Carlos Padilla captures the town in such a way that his photos are like little love notes that I love to read. He creates a particular and lovey sense of place in his photographs that accords with my own experience. Keith Basso prefers the active "sensing of place" over the more popular and commonly used "sense of place. (Wisdom Sits in Places, 143).  Sensing of place is a form of cultural activity he contends. We all take part in this activity to varying degrees. I am rereading this text for the umpteenth time, a task I hope to write about with some small measure of clarity sometime soon.  It is my guidebook. Basso claims Albert Camus has the best sense of place definition. Camus writes that senses of place is not merely known or felt, but something "people do," which Basso proclaims "brings the whole idea rather firmly down to earth" (143).  Exactly where the sense of place belongs he says. 
I have spent the last week looking at a few  contemporary photo books of the town. They are studies in contrasts. I actually find myself muttering "asshole," when I look at a certain book. Here is an outtake of a "review" of this collection on Amazon: 
"Nick Waplington has been taking photographs in and around Truth or Consequences, a small town in New Mexico, for nearly 10 years. Typical and unremarkable in many ways, the town voted to change its name to that of a celebrated radio quiz show in 1950. Waplington records the town behind the extraordinary name, the lives of its people and the landscape they live in while at the same time constructing a personal tribute to American photography, paying stylistic homage to such great pioneers of the genre as Edward Weston and Walker Evans. A highly original and strikingly perceptive work, Truth or Consequences is as thought-provoking as it is aesthetically absorbing, as it introduces us to another world whose human reality remains timelessly arresting." Or this, also on Amazon: "As the subject of photographer Nick Waplington's captivating lens, the town's name takes on a profundity that defies its frivolous origin. His portraits and landscape shots follow the bizarre yet somehow ordinary lives of the inhabitants of "T or C", as well as paying homage to the great pioneers of American photography such as Edward Weston and Walker Evans. These stunning yet commonplace photographs were shot over a period of ten years, during which Waplington revisited the town many times. Drawn together in a book for Phaidon, 'Truth or Consequences' has been hailed as his most extensive and enthralling study since 'Living Room' ...' Dazed and Confused 'The book captures some genuinely affecting moments ... while also offering generous tributes to past masters of American photography.' Time Out '
Yet another: " Nick Waplington has captured the combined weirdness and ordinariness of the everyday, the disused and the down-at-heel. Like a wide-screen road-movie, images of American popular culture collide.' Evening Standard." 
Several lines should alert the alert reader why I mutter asshole every so often. It is a horrible, voyeuristic and contrived work. I really enjoy disturbing and unsettling images of people and places. But these photos do not challenge understandings or fashion new ones. Rather, these photos are as place-less as most American commercial strips. And even strip malls can be cool places, unless you are convinced they are not. Depends on what you look at, and how you look. It is theory and method. 
The photographs are the antithesis of every photograph that I have culled from Carlos Padilla's facebook page. The photos here are picture-perfect instagram-washed loveliness for sure, but as I struggle to start my public dissertation writing, as promised, but perhaps not deliverable for a while longer, these are the images that I need to see. Thanks Sherry Fletcher, for buying me my own book to critique (call me at 505.917.9111 if you want to look at it at Passion Pie or the Happy Belly Deli or the Flying Star) and talking me through every method and theory issue. 
You can't have places without having people. I have such good people. 
Basso writes that an "ethnographer must somehow fashion a written account that adequately conveys his or her understandings of other people's understandings" (110). Basso says ethnography "discomforting businesses which lose ends abound and nothing is ever certain." I have been trying to make sense of this sense of place. Or rather, other people's sense of this place, and how they make sense of it as well. If that makes sense. Hahaha. My progress is slow but steady, which Basso notes is the hopeful end to fieldwork. The transition from now-monthly comments on my  field work interviews and observations to the task of making sense and writing about those  moments in a continuous narrative has stymied me a little. A lot. It is discomforting. So I am going to allow a little more time to enjoy the process of ethnography. A little more time to enjoy the process of making sense of what I have done this last year and change. Not too much. I write this in case my committee meanders through this post, but enough to enjoy the view for a few more weeks. 
This is what Basso contends is often missing or hidden from ethnographic accounts. It is a   great deal of fun. The doing it can be joyful. Like a photograph (a topic I have covered at length in these pages), we can take a moment to burrow in the sheer loveliness of what we chose to see before we emerge to examine all that we overlook and all that needs attending to with  a more critical eye in our landscapes.  That's where I will leave it for today. Clenched teeth and furrowed brow are no guarantee of literary success," writes Basso. So I am going to wander around the town for a little while longer, taking only photographs and leaving only footprints. I jest. But I do think a photo essay of my own, on the bathhouses that have been the foundation for the sense of place in the Downtown Historic Bathhouse and Commercial District, might be in order. 











Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Prelude: Being in Place

We shall not cease from exploration, 
and the end of all our exploring 
will be to arrive where we started 
and know the place for the first time. 
T. S. Eliot 

Borrowed Without Permission from the Facebook Photo Archives
of Carlos Padilla (see below). 

I begin my first public dissertation-draft installment following this brief prelude. I was away from my dissertation town of Truth or Consequences, New Mexico, for the longest period since my ethnographic project began more than a year ago. Almost two months passed. There were IRB issues, (Institutional Review Board at UNM--the people who make sure research is carried out in an ethical and methodical manner given the historical abuse committed in the supposed pursuit of knowledge--see the first couple of lengthy posted from 2012 on this history if you are at all inclined to know more--nothing I would recommend), personal issues, global weather calamities, ordinary life/work happenings and the like. A host of likely excuses. The seasonal change is a reminder of work to attend to and promises to keep. 

Finally made my first Art Hop this last Saturday and still did not make it through the town proper to every venue. I look forward to more time spent wandering. It was a gorgeous good time. Emagen fell in love with the square dancers. Do the 5th graders still have to learn how to square dance? Or was that 8th grade? My urban Albuquerque friends thought that learning square dancing was hysterical. So did we as I recall. 

Not that different really, or maybe so. It is a question that frames many of my observations about Truth or Consequences. Less a general verses specific rendering than it is a question of pattern and particularity. "What is it about this place man?" I will drop the man from the draft version. Maybe. I need to spend more time, wandering and otherwise. Not too much, though I could spend a lifetime doing ethnographic work. I say this a lot, but as a method it is pretty compelling. I begin my dissertation-draft writing talking about ethnography as a method. I will beat that horse a little longer across the landscape in view. 

Speaking of landscapes, the new downtown mural by "the Young da Vincis," is the kind of inspired landscape that keeps me looking around in wonder.  The impeccable Kathleen Sloan wrote this brief account. 

****************************************************************




Young da Vincis’ Debut—Lee Belle Johnson Senior Center Murals
By Kathleen Sloan
HERALD Reporter

The City of Truth or Consequences got several beautiful murals for the cost of materials and the group organized and named by Jia Apple as “the Young da Vincis” got trained in the art of mural making.
 
Apple and seven of the eight da Vincis presented the murals to the city on Saturday, August 18, at 5 p.m. at the site—the Lee Belle Johnson Senior Center, at 301 S. Foch St.
  
The da Vincis are, Reed Tische, Megan Burke, Bethany Walker, Jannelle Knaus, Josh Candelaria, Kyle Cunningham, Jeannie Ortiz and Hannah Goldman (who was moving the day of the dedication and was unable to attend). 

Something less tangible than the murals and the transfer of craftsmanship was in evidence at the dedication—an esprit de corps among the artists for one thing, and a communal joy wafting through the crowd for another.

The project started in April. Four months and at least 2,160 work hours went into it—nine people working about 12 hours a week for 20 weeks. Local flora/fauna/habitat is the theme, which were researched. Overall design and consistency of design had to be hammered out and executed. The integrity of the historic building had to be preserved and the mural materials and attachment had to be researched and executed. Apple’s experience as a muralist saved hundreds more man-hours that would have had to be expended without her leadership. 
Apple also modeled how to go after and get civic support for a project. She and some of the da Vincis gave two presentations to the city commission. 

Apple’s itemized budget and estimated labor (not charged for) also gave the da Vincis and hopefully the community some idea how valuable artists and art are to a community. 

Apple suggested Truth or Consequences MainStreet approve the design of the murals, which the city commission approved, opening up further community participation, transparency and oversight. There are several civics lessons to be learned and pondered in that move.
 
The disparate shapes of the boarded-up windows—used as an inset for the murals—must have made maintaining a design scheme throughout difficult. 
Repeated design elements gave consistency and rhythm. The habitat was strongly delineated in curvy shapes and diagonals that pull you into the picture. Land, water, mountains and sky were depicted in a consistent palette of alternating oranges and blues. 

The animal life was consistently depicted two ways—as strong black silhouettes, or set apart in a tondo/circle form, painted in “grisaille” or in shades of black and white with some tans. 

This non-color/overlay/animal design contrasted with the high-color habitat shows great visual thinking. It works very well with the strong curvy lines of the historic adobe building—a WPA project. Jia Apple and the Young da Vincis’ strong communal effort and involvement are a great continuation of the WPA tradition.
***



Ah. Love the continued traditions made fresh anew. To that end, the continued tradition to moving south among others, I am moving myself and bonny traveling companion to Monticello full time. 

I will intersperse random moments ‘in town,’ with late night dissertation writing in the months ahead. I have been derelict in posting regularly these past few months. I was processing, pausing for reflection, and procrastinating. The last one should stand alone. Speaking of standing alone, I will spend the next months in the company of many others as I write out one of many draft versions of my dissertation here in this virtual space. It will be my first-round draft, and for this I apologize in advance to my few but dedicated and much-loved readers. 

The final version will be readily available in a year or so if my good luck and hard work hold. I have much work to do in the town still, but it is work that can join my narrative like the arroyos have been joining the river in the past few weeks. Tumultuous floods when there is rain. I am sorry for the pain and loss that the weather brought to some families in the past months and years, from fire to rain to everyday heartache. 

The community persists, stronger in ways even as parts break and sever. Pulled together by love, by family and history ties, by loss and redemption, but art and dancing girls--never torn asunder as long as there is the will to keep going—this is community and being in place. 

#Flooding in Ash Canyon eroded Highway 152. Part of the highway and guardrails fell into the canyon below with a portion of asphalt having no support underneath. #newmexico #rain. Caption and photo borrowed without permission from the facebook photo archives of Carlos Padilla (Herald Editor). 


Tuesday, July 9, 2013

summertime fire and rain


Summertime


The absence of posts has not gone unnoticed. This short post will do little to excuse the long stretch of silence, but it must suffice. A "Year in Reflection," was in the works, but it was so slow-going it was abandoned before it hit this blog. In lieu of a year-in-review piece, the interviews I have completed are being coded for qualitative review and analysis. The data I have gathered is immense. It is finally coming together intellectually. My heart remains in the town, wandering around and wanting sweets from the Ppassion Pie, objecting to my professional objectivity. My head is finally wrapping around patterns, however, and soon I will present drafts sections of my dissertation. 

For most readers it will be unbelievably dull. Dissertations are created for a small select group of individuals, the last mighty hurdle before joining the ranks of the massively educated. Most dissertation drafts are presented as conference papers. I will blatantly display my attempts here for all to read. I will strive to write clearly and academically, a thing I have seen done. But it was done by the writers who line my top shelf of favorite texts, and I am not altogether convinced I am capable of doing such a thing. In the process, regardless, I will inform my small by devoted audience about place, place making, modernity, diaspora, history, theory, and all manner of academic and popular subjects.   

My writing desk, mouldering mounds of files and books, raw and transcribed interviews, and various sundry goods will be transported to Monticello next week, so the work of writing this dissertation can be finished even as I finish up my final few interviews. I could spend the next several years interviewing people from the town. What I make of all I have learned from others will be the subject of my monthly posts from this point forward.

On another note, as I think about water, water, water--this molecular miracle that runs through my dissertation, I finish this long over-due post with a brief but powerful article about our arid lands. The rains have come, lashing and tremendous in short bursts. The Silver Fire blanketed the town and region under heavy yellowed skies, laying low over 200 square miles, or 1140,00 acres. Although 80 percent contained, the month old fire made for unsettled citizens throughout the region and too much misery to calculate. The western wildfires in the past several years have taken lives and homes and country. Do they change how we think of the world? What we do in the world? Do they give us pause to reconsider how we live and the fragile ecosystems of the arid lands? And what about our fragile towns, and fragile selves?


 

There is not a drought

http://www.ruidosonews.com/ruidoso-opinion_columnists/ci_23555598/there-is-not-drought

Jerry Ortiz y Pino/NM Senate, District 12

The interim legislative Water and Natural Resources Committee met in Santa Fe and heard updates on New Mexico's water situation so sobering that the usual back-slapping and good-natured ribbing with which most such gatherings conclude were noticeably muted. 

The litany of symptoms of our current plight wasn't what left most participants shaken last week. Rather, it was a reminder from the leader of a newly-formed drought subcommittee that a growing number of scientists suggest New Mexico's lack of rain does not necessarily mean we are in a drought-a temporary moisture shortfall that eventually corrects itself. 

Researchers point to evidence from the past thousand years that absence of rainfall is the norm. The past 50 years were the true aberration. In short, we may not see more rain for a very long time.
Since we've only been receiving 6 to 10 inches annually during this abnormally wet recent era, we should take steps immediately to deal with the implications of a prolonged period of 1 to 3 inches of rainfall per year.

All our water policy and planning is premised on that 6 to 10 inches figure. It forms the basis of multiple compact obligations to neighboring states, agreements with the federal government and promises to in-state industry, tribal governments, urban communities, farmers and ranchers. If that level of rain doesn't materialize, our margin of error is slim; we suffer serious cutbacks. And if we don't get moisture for two or more years in succession (like now), we deplete reserves and rapidly face catastrophe. 

There are many signs of the disaster our current policy plus two years of lower rainfall have produced in 2013:

  • Ranchers throughout the state have on average reduced the size of their herds by two-thirds, and   many have sold off all their animals under duress. 

  • Farmers who have been promised three acre feet of irrigation water will have to get by this year with three inches. This means many crops will fail, and others will have lower yield. 
  • There will be little to no pecan crop this year in the Mesilla Valley. The lack of irrigation water has forced orchardists to prune their trees back to the main trunk in an effort to save them.

  • Four lakes in this state have severely limited access. (The water level is so far below the boat ramps that they pose a genuine public safety hazard if anyone attempts a launch.) Elephant Butte, our iconic recreational reservoir, faces water levels lower than the year the dam was built over a century ago.  
  • Farmers in the Carlsbad Irrigation District are locked in conflict with other farmers upstream-not because of river flow overuse (there is no river flow), but because pumping wells north of the district has lowered the aquifer and drastically affected availability of water for Carlsbad irrigators.

  • A similar issue has prompted a formal lawsuit against our state by Texas. It contends farmers in the Mesilla Valley, who turned to well water as compensation for the lack of ditch water, are negatively impacting El Paso-area agriculture. If we lose that court case, the state of New Mexico could be compelled to pay damages as high as a billion dollars.

  • Tinder-dry conditions in our mountains and forests have closed most of them to visitors. The air is heavy with smoke and ash from numerous blazes already destroying hundreds of thousands of acres of vegetation. 

  • Albuquerque has seen 20 percent of its urban trees, its life-giving canopy, lost to lack of rainfall and restrictions on water use required over the last two years. 

  • And wildlife, desperate for food and water, will increasingly be forced to confront people in our foothill and suburban developments-with a resultant loss of life and limb for animals and occasionally people.


  •  All this is the product of two years of reduced rainfall. What if experts are correct and it's decades before we achieve the 6- to 10-inch levels again? How do we adjust to that frightening reality? How will Albuquerque, which is dependent on San Juan-Chama water rights purchased years ago, deal with a scenario in which the San Juan River Basin runs dry?

    Photos of bone-dry Heron Lake and El Vado Reservoir circulated at the committee meeting were not comforting, to say the least. Water rights are only enforceable if there is water to own. A couple more years of thin Colorado snowpack like the last two will make our city's vaunted rights theoretical at best. It's clear that if we're to avoid the fate of earlier civilizations in this area that disappeared when rivers and springs dried up, we have to change our thinking and our policies.

    We need revamped agriculture. Is New Mexico really an ideal place for cotton cultivation or dairies - both among our biggest agricultural crops, but both water-intensive?Perhaps if we receive 6 to10 inches of rain a year. But what if we live in a new era of 1 to 3 inches?We need to ask other hard questions. Is it wise to rely on unproven technology to bail us out? Does desalinization of brackish water from deep aquifers offer anything more than a temporary fix? Can we build a pipeline from the Mississippi Valley to move millions of acre feet uphill - and does that make economic, environmental or social sense?

    Would systems for water recycling and reuse change the situation enough to justify the capital investments required? Is cloud seeding anything more than a pipe dream? Perhaps most crucially, can a New Mexico with 1 to 3 inches of annual rainfall for the foreseeable future sustain even its current population-let alone a growing one?Water, our most precious natural resource, must be kept high on the agenda of our state policy-makers. Further, we ought to demand answers from the candidates in next year's state elections.

    Anyone who aspires to be governor for the next four years will face no bigger challenge New Mexico's water policy problems. Those alone may be the key to making a choice among the candidates.We haven't seen leadership on this front from Gov. Susana Martinez so far. Has she finally decided on a direction she wants to take us? Do any of her challengers have more than platitudes to offer? If we don't demand answers-if we are too unrealistic or too politically paralyzed to act decisively-the inexorable processes of nature will continue, and we will simply resign ourselves to becoming their victims.

    The Anasazi left us important advice: Pray for rain, of course. But as a people, act as if the answer to those prayers won't arrive for a hundred years. 




    Monday, April 22, 2013

    Diaspora, Critical Regionalism and the Making of Modern Place





    Spring Conferences: Round 3. I am skipping my 2nd round conference presentation, place ethnography: notes from the field. The brunt concerned institutional hurdles that field work entails, discussed at length in initial posts. My third round conference presentation is visually stunning, thanks to the liberal borrowing of images by Miguel Gandert. Ridiculously talented and globally renown, Miguel sits on my dissertation committee. His advice founded an entire conversation in this blog about history, representation and knowing.

    Conferences are great things. They bring people together to a common purpose of dialogue and exchange like a round of tequila for the whole table. A toast and grimace later, everyone feels more attuned to their passions. A good conference feels like those excited conversations, it hones works -in-progress, brings ideas into focus. I discovered that my dissertation restructuring was not as well-thought as I had imagined  I am still  drawn to theme over straight chronology. There is a reason chronology triumphs in history. It seems self-evident, it is well-ordered, it makes sense. Theme must meet and exceed these criteria.

    I am thinking out my first chapter a great deal little more for these reasons. In my first-edit professional statement for a recent fellowship application, I ended up writing a "welcome to my dissertation committee" type introduction to my own work. I changed that post, (Statement of Professional Goals) but it did remind me of what a superb and over-the-top talented committee gathered around this work. I am striving to earn a place at the foot of the table where they will be sitting and judging the quick and dead.

    Next comes typology, and I will be trying to sort through people and box them up into discernible groups who share enough identity markers of one kind or another to be categorized together as modern kin. Categories are fluid and tricky things, like themes in many ways, but nailing them down as they coalesce for a historical moment is the work of scholars. I expect when I share this online I will get some shit, but hell, I have to do something to make sense of my keen observations! And this is a public research blog. At present, I will wrap-up my work with some beautifully illustrated musings...



      













































































































    Thursday, April 18, 2013

    Preservation Place Making

    Spring Conferences: Round One

    Upcoming posts will be photo-captures of PowerPoint slide shows recently presented at conferences. This first round was presented in lovely Portales, a courthouse-square town on the eastern edge of the state. Although this blog is dedicated to my current ethnographic research in Truth or Consequences I do meander out to other topics when they help to illustrate my work in town. After the third conference post, I will look at typology, or how we organize our observations into discernible patterns of similar type. The conference I will present at in several hours is titled "Place Ethnography: Notes From the Field," and I should get on with getting it done. The presentation below was given at the annual New Mexico Heritage Preservation Alliance Conference, which is geared towards professional preservation projects, a priority I attempted to capture in my presentation. It is a work in progress, like just about everything in this world. If you would like a copy of this PowerPoint (to use at will), send me an email at tberger@unm.edu. It will eventually be posted online at the Healing Waters Trail site and other locations. There are more than 30 slides, so this will take a while to complete. Once I am done, I will remove this disclaimer. 










    Monday, April 8, 2013

    Jimmy Santiago Baca: Ten

    1906 San Francisco




    Ten
    Jimmy Santiago Baca

    from Healing Earthquakes (1989)


    If it does not feed the fire
    of your creativity, then leave it.
    If people and things do not
    inspire your heart to dream,
    then leave them.
    If you are not crazily in love
    and making a stupid fool of yourself,
    then stop closer to the edge
    of your heart and climb 
    where you've been forbidden to go.
    Debts, accusations, assaults by enemies
    mean nothing,
    go where the fire feeds you.
    Turn your attention to the magic of whores,
    grief, addicts and drunks, until you stumble upon 
    that shining halo surrounding your heart
    that will allow you to violate every fear happily,
    be where you're not supposed to be,
    the love of an angel who's caught your blood on fire
    again, who's gulped all of you in one breath
    to mix in her soul, to explode your brooding 
    and again, your words rush from the stones
    like a river coursing down
    from some motherly mountain source,
    and if your life doesn't spill forth
    unabashedly, recklessly, randomly
    pushing in wonder at life,
    then change, leave, quit, silence the idle chatter
    and do away with useless acquaintances
    who have forgotten how to dream,
    bitch rudely in your dark mood at the mediocrity
    of scholars who meddle in whimsy for academic trifles--
    let you be their object of scorn,
    let you be their object of mockery,
    let you be their chilling symbol
    of what they never had the courage to do, to complete, to follow,
    let you be the flaming faith that makes them shield their eyes
    as you burn from all sides,
    taking a harmless topic and making of it a burning galaxy
    or shooting stars in the dark of their souls,
    illuminating your sadness, your aching joy for life,
    your famished insistence for God and all that is creative
    to attend you as a witness to your struggle,
    let the useless banter and quick pleasures
    belong to others, the merchants, computer analysts
    and government workers;
    you haven't been afraid
    of rapture among thieves
    bloody duels in drunken brawls,
    denying yourself
    the essence of your soul work
    as poems rusted while you scratched
    at your heart to see if it was a diamond
    and not cheap pane of glass,
    now, then, after returning form one more poet's journey
    in the heart of the bear, the teeth of the wolf,
    the legs of the wild horse,
    sense what your experience tells you,
    your ears ringing with deception and lies and foul tastes,
    now that your memory is riddled with blank loss,
    tyrants who wielded their boastful threats
    to the sleeping dogs and old trees in the yards,
    now that you've returned from men and women
    who've abandoned their dreams and sit around
    like corpses in the grave moldering with regret,
    steady your heart now, my friend, with fortitude
    long-lasting enduring hope, and hail the early dawn
    like a ship off coast that's come for you,
    spent and ragged and beggared,
    if what you do and how you live does not feed the fire
    in your heart and blossom into poems,
    leave, quit, do not turn back,
    move fast away from that which would mold your gift,
    break it, disrespect it, kill it.
    Guard it, nurture it, take your full-flung honorable
    heart and plunge it into the fire
    into the stars, into the trees, into the hearts of others
    sorrow and love and restore the dream
    by writing of its again-discovered wild beauty.